While I did previously state that I intend to write more in the coming weeks, I also indirectly made mention of the fact that I'm only slowly coming back into the light after a protracted period of wandering away from the Lord's will. That's not to say that I've lost faith in God at all, but rather that I've been questioning and analyzing my faith much more honestly than I ever have before, trying to decide if this "faith" business is really worth the massive amount of effort I've been putting into it.

The simple truth is, that rosy relationship I wrote about in several previous posts ended in flaming failure. While this by itself is not altogether revolutionary in the history of man, it showed me just how quickly one's hopes can be dashed to pieces, if that person is inclined to believe that God's perfect plan means every circumstance which comes into your life is there for a special purpose, and God will never lead you down a dead-end path. What I failed to be honest with myself about, is that in spite of all the happy times we had together, there were, in fact, some glaring signs that this was not a healthy and/or beneficial relationship.

Even though our very first act as a newly-minted couple was to pray and ask God to guide us on our journey together, the fact is we both said and did many things over our short few months together which were frankly very un-Godly. While it is certainly true that nobody is perfect, and an astute believer would also be quick to point out that maybe God was guiding us, just not towards each other, the fact remains that we both stayed in an at-times miserable relationship much longer than we should have, because we believed that somehow God had fated us to meet and get together.

In the wake of the breakup, I had plenty of time to sit by myself and carefully review every aspect of the relationship, to see if perhaps there was some clear guidance from God which I had failed to hear, or some indication that my faith was not as strong as it should have been in order to be a good spiritual leader. After reviewing my prayer journal, and carefully examining all my memories of the directions I believed I was hearing from God, I can only conclude that he did, in fact, direct our paths to cross, and that he was, in fact, reassuring me constantly throughout the precarious times to stay faithful to his purpose. In a manner of speaking, it could be said that I blindly trusted and followed God, and he led me face-first into a brick wall.

This brings me to the ultimate point of my post: I think that we as Christians tend to be a bit too fatalistic when it comes to the events of our life, and we tend to ascribe far more significance to many everyday events than they may actually have. While I'm certain I'm going out on a limb here, which may invite a great deal of debate and criticism, please understand me carefully: God is sovereign, and his plans are perfect. His knowledge is limitless, and therefore he knows all the events of our lives before even one day of that life has been lived. That being said, he did also give you a rational, thinking mind, and the ability to exercise your own judgment.

Too many Christians go through life casting fearful glances at the sky as they make every move, praying that God will direct them in even the simplest of tasks, like picking which clothes to wear in the morning. While I'm certain that God has a good, pleasing, and perfect will which he wants us to be able to discern (Rom. 12:2), the fact is that, according to Philippians 2:13, our will is in some sense merely an extension of God's will. In my mind, that means that if you're capable of deciding an issue for yourself, you should do so. Sometimes I think we're so heavenly minded that we're no earthly good, meaning we simply forget to exercise our own common sense, which God gave us.

We humans are very fragile, fallible creatures. I would never presume to say that our will and our knowledge in any way trumps God's. Nevertheless, we are also not robots. If God wanted little minions who only acted when bidden to do so, he would have been content to simply create more angels and leave humanity's blueprint lying on the drawing board.

If you're struggling with the concept of finding your soulmate, relax. The fact is, any person you choose to settle down with will in a sense be perfect for you, because you have selected them based on your own deductive reasoning and therefore can live confidently with your decision. If, on the other hand, you're nervously looking around for God to drop "the one" in your lap, you'll likely pass up several promising opportunities out of some misguided fear that you're missing out on God's best for you. Or worse, you may hang on too tightly to someone who is NOT God's best for you, simply because you think the stars aligned in order to bring the two of you together.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”

Hebrews 6:19

Stability is a foreign and frightening concept to most of us. While we desperately crave it, we also secretly distrust it. We spend our lives searching for a place where we feel comfortable and safe, and once we find that fortress of comfort, we think we’ll be happy for the rest of our lives. Yet deep in our hearts, I think we all at times suspect that regardless of what we’ve placed our trust in, we’ll one day find ourselves betrayed. Whether we’re talking about a house or car which you fear may be destroyed, or a blissful relationship which you secretly suspect may come crashing to the ground at any moment, the fact is that it’s often a natural human tendency to secretly plan for the worst, even in situations when we believe that we’re genuinely happy.

If you’ve ever lost your home to a natural disaster, or even been threatened by that possibility, it quickly puts into perspective just how fragile our places of refuge can be. When I was in high school, my family’s home was threatened by a massive wildfire which caused unprecedented destruction across Southern California. I distinctly remember school being closed for a week, and the sun being blotted out in the middle of the day by the enormous clouds of ash which filled the sky. At night, my brother and I sat on the roof of our house and watched ominously as the hillsides all around our community were engulfed with giant gashes of brightly-blazing flame. The entire concept of homeowners insurance exists because people realized long ago that your “castle” won’t be much of a castle after a raging fire, earthquake, or hurricane rips through your neighborhood. Planning for failure is a smart way to live your life, as far as our society is concerned.

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the frequency with which Christians who are “on fire for God” do stupid and sinful things (I include myself in this indictment, so don’t get defensive). Although most of us claim to have a saving faith in Jesus Christ, and show many outward signs of the transformative work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we all find ourselves time and again falling into old habits and traps that have caught us a thousand times. Even highly popular and respected Christian leaders have at times been exposed to grueling ridicule as their private failures revealed them to be no better than the “sinners” whom they seek to tame.

Everyone longs to be in a meaningful relationship with another person. It’s as natural as your desire to eat and sleep. Yet even though we spend so much of our young lives seeking after it, many of us often balk at the opportunity when it finally comes along. We look at our parents’ marriage, our peers’ relational drama, and our own shortcomings, and decide that maybe this “relationships” thing is a can of worms better left closed. I know I’ve certainly been in that position before. The problem is not that we don’t want to be close to someone; it’s simply that we fear the vulnerability which that closeness brings. After a certain point in every relationship, the time for “putting your best foot forward” is inevitably replaced by the intense weakness of being totally transparent, and for the first time allowing someone else to take a look at all of your personal junk. Not only is it intimidating to be known that intimately, I think for many of us there’s an even greater fear that because of our past hurts, we’ll end up hurting the person we care about.

I recently had an excellent conversation with someone who posed the question to me, “Does God want me to be happy?” I had to think very carefully about my answer, and the more I pondered this question, the more I realized I had just been given my latest piece to write about. (Thank you, smart person!)

My first answer was naturally yes. There are numerous verses which support the fact that God loves you and wants good things for you (Psalm 84:11, James 1:17, Psalm 37:4, Matthew 7:11). Just this cursory sweep of scriptures tells me that God does indeed delight in seeing you happy. Nevertheless, I think we very often fall into the trap of thinking that “being happy” and “getting what I want” are exactly the same thing, when in fact they aren’t. We all want things which are very often contrary to our best interests. Like a loving parent who refuses to feed their child a steady diet of ice cream and candy, our heavenly Father is oftentimes forced to deny us the things we so earnestly desire, not because he’s vindictive or unhappy with our performance, but simply because he knows that’s not what’s actually best for you. Sometimes wanting what’s best for your child means saying “no” quite a bit.

First, for the benefit of my theatre-loving friends, let’s take a moment to sing the song.

Good, now that that’s out of your system, let’s continue…

One of the greatest misconceptions I think all people of faith have is that they’re not doing a “good enough” job in keeping their faith pure. This is one of the primary attacks against Christianity by non-believers; that the church is essentially peddling guilt as a kind of emotional blackmail to get people to do what we want. As much as I hate to admit it, I think this assessment is not totally unfair. While those within the church who actively seek to promote feelings of guilt are few in number, their evil has far-reaching consequences for those of us who try to bridge the gap between the church and the unbelieving world. We as Christians are often forced to answer for the crimes of those either in the present age or in ages long past who have perpetrated evil, manipulative schemes in the name of God. This, frankly, needs to stop. Just like you can’t categorically condemn and harass all German-born citizens for the crimes of Nazism, so too the majority of Christians are innocent of the kind of self-serving manipulation of faith that has earned us all a bad reputation in the eyes of the “forward-thinking” world.