I love you. You are worthy of the love you receive on a daily basis from your friends, family, and coworkers. Stop hurting yourself. Get help. We want you to stay in our world.
Life is a game. God plays chess on a daily basis with evil. Every time you consider killing yourself, evil wins. Don't end the game before it's time.
We win in the end.
People often ask why God created Satan if he knew in advance that he was going to rebel. I think in a way, that question answers itself. He knew. God is an all-knowing, all-powerful being. He never needed to create anything or anyone, but he chose to do so from what I believe was a desire to reveal his own Glory. It must have been very boring to exist before the existence of all things. There was no substance, no matter, and noone to talk to or interact with. So naturally, to entertain himself, God built a chess board.
He created a universe with specific rules, and then populated it with pieces who could be moved and manipulated to do his bidding. It started with simple pieces, such as angels, who are inherently obedient to the will of their creator. Then, however, he went even further, and created an unpredictable piece which can either choose to obey its creator or not. Thus was born mankind.
As he was making the chess board, he also realized that he would need a suitable opponent, because playing a game against yourself is obviously not fun. Thus Lucifer was created, and with him the proud desire to usurp power from his Creator. The game had begun.
From the very first moment when the Serpent entered the garden, humans have been the pieces of a cosmic struggle between Good and Evil. They can be manipulated, coaxed, coerced, and tempted to do all sorts of good and/or evil action. Naturally, we know that round one went to the Enemy. The game didn't end there though. Like any truly gifted chess player, God was thinking further ahead than simply the next move or two. He was looking all the way to the Cross, so he created a Savior to set things right.
I use the term 'created' loosely here. In Christian theology we say, "begotten, not made" when describing Jesus. Since Jesus is God he must, by his very definition, be eternal and un-created. The reason why Satan will never be God's equal is precisely because he was created, and therefore is not eternal. Even though God created in Satan a magnificent opponent, he did not create an equal, as he did with Jesus.
That's why we win. That's why this cosmic game we call life is slanted in our favor as members of God's covenant. Even though we can be manipulated and even destroyed by God's opponent, the game will ultimately end in victory for us, because God has seen every move that will be made all the way to the very end of time.
Finally, I bring you a scriptural illustration:
Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.
8 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."
9 “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10 “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.
12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.
Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.
We all know what happens next. Job experiences untold suffering, loss, and misery at the hands of Satan. Though he blames God and at times rails against the injustice of his Creator, Job never goes so far as to deny his faith in God. At the end of the book, when God finally responds, he essentially says to our man Job: "Shut up. You can't see the chessboard from my perspective. I will always win in the end"